Met Recruitment - Women's Equality

Wanted: Commissioner of Police of the Metropolis

Apply now! 

Employer: The public

Reports to: The Home Secretary

Location: Scotland Yard 

Salary

£310,000 per annum, plus massive payout if forced to leave.

Closing date

Applications close soon.

Attend a 4:30 pm meeting the following day with Sadiq Khan, London Mayor. Or don’t.

Bring your plan to root out police misogyny and restore public trust with the police. Or don’t. 

Job Description

The Metropolitan Police is part of a nationwide network of police forces with shared culture, attitudes and values. In this role you will head up one of the UK’s most powerful institutions with responsibilities including distracting from government parties, and explaining away institutional misogyny and racism as just the occasional bad ‘un. With the support of your manager, the Home Secretary, you will need to say all the right things about wanting to end violence against women, whilst failing to actually do anything about it.

Skills and experience

  • Willingness to look the other way over police misconduct.
  • An understanding that misogyny is absolutely wrong, whether it’s a man against a woman, or a woman against a man.
  • Enthusiastic approach to policing vigils for women raped and murdered by police officers, but not much interest in policing rowdy football fans.
  • A commitment to supporting several non-statutory, lip service inquiries that don’t deliver change.
  • Top tier WhatsApp ‘banter’
  • The ability to distinguish between the public, to whom laws apply, and the Government, to whom they apparently don’t.

How to apply

Become friends with a Tory MP.

Equality Statement

Women need not apply - we had one and it didn’t go well.

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* Please note, this application is not affiliated with the Met Police nor the Home Office... although you wouldn't realise it. WE are pushing for a statutory inquiry into institutional misogyny in the Met Police. If you would like to join our campaign, please click below:

JOIN THE CAMPAIGN 

  
        
  

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